Mutual Selfishness: The Overlooked Skill in Engineering Leadership
As I grew in my career, I noticed something about the best leaders I worked with. They didn’t just tell me what to do — they laid out the options and helped me see what I could gain from each one. They didn’t push me; they nudged my self-interest and made me want to lean in.
Lately, with all the noise in the economy, I’ve found myself thinking about trade — not just in the market sense, but as a bigger idea. And somewhere in my brain, the idea of trade and what those great leaders did for me sort of collided.
Maybe you’ve been thinking about trade too. Maybe not. But as an engineering leader, you probably should.
Back in the 18th century, Adam Smith captured it perfectly:
“It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest.”
People do things because it benefits them. If we look beyond the capitalism angle, there’s gold here for leaders: self-interest is a powerful tool in teams — and in getting work done without being an order-barking tyrant.
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💡 Mutual Selfishness at Work
Good trade isn’t just about getting what you want — it’s about helping the other side get what they want. That’s the magic of mutual selfishness.
In engineering: • Your team wants to grow, solve cool problems, get recognized, maybe even have fun. • You want projects delivered, bugs fixed, systems stable, and a happy, engaged team.
Win-win happens when you align these.
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🚀 How Leaders Can Leverage It
• Know what drives them
Ask: What excites you? What do you want to learn? What feels like a drag? One-on-ones aren’t just for updates — they’re your window into what makes people tick.
• Frame tasks as growth
Not “we need this fixed,” but: “this will deepen your expertise and strengthen your promo packet.”
• Trade across teams
Talking to Product or Design? Show how tech debt cleanup today means faster launches tomorrow. Everyone wins.
• Celebrate the shared win
When the team wins, individual wins count too. Make both visible.
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⚠️ Where to Draw the Line
But here’s the caution: if you only play to self-interest, things can backfire.
You risk a team that only chases shiny work, skipping the less glamorous but critical jobs. As a leader, you have to balance personal wins with team needs — and sometimes ask people to pitch in for the boring-but-important work.
Keep the trade fair, not one-sided.
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🏁 Final Thought
Great leadership isn’t about sacrifice or force — it’s about smart, thoughtful trade. When you understand what matters to your team and line it up with what the business needs, you get momentum, ownership, and real results.